| (no subject) |
[Apr. 4th, 2006|12:09 pm] |
Everything has been good. Sometimes good can be boring, but its better than bad.
everyday is the same.
get up in the morning, have coffee, smoke a cigarette (need to quit)
take a shower.
go to work.
work.
get out late every night.
come home, have a snack, visit with the boyfriend.
go to sleep.
.....then repeat.
Its no wonder people in kenosha and many other places resort to alchohol or drugs. when life is easy they use it to pass time. when life is hard they use it to make the pain go away. At social gatherings people use it to feel comfortable.
its a sad cycle. although there are many people who find something other than drugs to break the cycle, most people give in to drugs.
there are also other bad things you can do to entertain yourself. you can shake things up by cheating on someone you love. talk shit about someone you like. you can spend money you dont have on things you dont need. You can also eat all the time. Play video games, go on the computer.....
or you can also just sit a stare, let your mind wander...start thinking about good things, or bad things that arent happening so you know their about to.
The human brain and body constantly needs to be entertained or in action.
i dont know where i am going with this. im still waking up. |
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| (no subject) |
[Mar. 27th, 2006|02:00 pm] |
why do things have to be so damn hard? really id like to know.
i have that gut feeling things are going to get bad. things are not going to work out the way i would like them to. i guess this is another curveball life is throwing at. i just need to learn to accept that. ive faced many challenges before why not another? things have seemed to work out despite my downfalls. this time around i will try to do things differently. im sure you all would just love to know whats going on. i cant write it down because that always makes it more final.
im hoping that everything will be ok when i come home from work tonight. then we can all forget i even wrote this.
if not....well then i guess we can all hope i will be ok. |
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| (no subject) |
[Mar. 25th, 2006|08:08 pm] |
damnit!! i am starving! ive been waiting for kevin to get home for over an hour, hes late. i want to go grocery shopping and then go do something....actually do something.
i went to marias house last night after work and i drank way too much.
i got home at five in the morning and threw up.
this morning i forgot to pick up my cat at the vets.....kevin ended up getting him just in time before they closed.
i threw up many more times later on.
now i have no fluid left in my body and no nurishment in the house....
i hate waiting around for his ass to get home when i know he got out of work over an hour ago....
ooooooohhhhhwwwweeeeelllll
i give up. |
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| (no subject) |
[Mar. 23rd, 2006|11:22 am] |
switching shifts is alot harder than it sounds. i thought it would an easy switch, but my sleep schedule is all messed up.
otherwise i am enjoying my new shift. its more busy but thats fine with me. i like all the techs i work with, not so sure about nurses....but well see
i have off this weekend, wooo!! |
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| (no subject) |
[Mar. 18th, 2006|10:42 am] |
kevin just left for work and i need to go to bed because of work....and when i came into the bedroom to lay down and didnt see him laying there too, i got sad.
you know you love someone when youve been living together for about a year and you miss him ten minutes after he leaves for work....
im so happy with him |
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| thought id share |
[Mar. 17th, 2006|11:05 am] |
i went into work tonight with high hopes of having a wonderful time...
then i found out the other girl working with me called in....
found out two of patients were dying and had to deal with crying families...
one of my patients had 10 BOWEL MOVEMENTS....
i got slapped in the face HARD, my patients like to treat me well.....
then the same guy who slapped me tried to pee on me, literally, he aimed and fired.
i asked one of the nurses if they wanted me to check someones blood sugar and she never answered me and slammed the door right in my face, SERIOUSLY.....
one of my dying patients family members said all i was here to do was inflict pain on them. she then stormed out the room and started pitching a fit on the unit.....
when she was done throwing her tantrum i heard her tell the secretary i was a little bitch.....
AND WHY DO I CONTINUE WANTING TO BE A NURSE????
ITS NOT AS GLAMOROUS AS IT SOUNDS!!! |
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| (no subject) |
[Mar. 17th, 2006|02:55 am] |
i suckered up and got a myspace....
i know i suck.
i have off work tonight so if anyone wants to hang out please call |
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| (no subject) |
[Mar. 11th, 2006|05:18 pm] |
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i am very bored. someone call and come hang out with me. i have off all night so call whenever. me and kevin are just sitting around looking for something to do. |
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| (no subject) |
[Mar. 8th, 2006|10:49 am] |
its so beautiful outside.
i want to go stand in the sun and remove my shirt. |
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| (no subject) |
[Mar. 8th, 2006|02:23 am] |
why must i be such a jealous person?
seriously, i get so jealous over the smallest things.
tonight i was hanging out with kevin and he was playing video games. after he was done playing his games i turned on some tv and he went into the other room.
i went to see what he was doing and he was listening to music. i also noticed he was chatting online with some girl named jen. i asked him who she was and he just told me "a girl at work"
so i went into the other room and sat there wondering why the hell he was talking to some girl online. he never chats online! so i thought about it some more and i got more mad. why is he chatting to some girl when he could be sitting here chatting with me?
i pointed it out to him and he said im just acting stupid.
is it just me, or do all girls get jealous when they see their guy talking to girls they dont know about?
it could be just me. its a sensitive subject. i guess i dont like the idea of kevin talking to young girls he works with because of past situations. maybe because the last time we broke up was because of a girl he was working with....
who knows if he has some alterior motive, or maybe it was innocent. i will never know for sure, i just have to trust him. |
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| (no subject) |
[Mar. 5th, 2006|03:29 am] |
i finally decided i need to let it be.
we may not be buying a house together this year or next year, but we are living together and sharing a life together.
I have to realize that things dont always work out the way I want them too. I love him and he loves me, I shouldnt need anything more than that.
of course i want to punch him sometimes.
of course there are times i find myself looking at him with disgust.
thats what happens when you share an apartment.
regardless, i love him. |
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| (no subject) |
[Mar. 2nd, 2006|02:57 am] |
im very upset with kevin right now. he really hurt me today.
i mentioned to him maybe we should look at other apartments because i think the landlord may raise our rent. also, our apartment is starting to fall apart. He said "well maybe we should look into a house"
so i got all excited and told him maybe we could get a duplex and rent out the other half to make some money. thats when he told me that only HE was looking for a house, for HIMSELF. i could live there but my name wouldnt be on the house. how bullshit is that??? why would i want to live with him and help pay off HIS house and not have it be mine also?? yeah right, once its paid off he wont need me anymore to help with money. fuck that, thats all i can say.
he always says "what if we break up?"
what if what if what if what if what if what if..............
you will never know exactly what is going to happen.
that is life.
there are never definite answers!!
it makes me feel very insecure. how can i stay with someone who knows our relationship will end one day? what kind of relationship is that? it feels as though i am wasting my time. i would like to think that one day we will marry, buy a house, or have children. maybe not in that order, but you know.
i just feel hurt.
i wish he could take some risks. that is what life is about. i may just have to start thinking about being on my own. a relationship cannot work when someone is constantly in fear of being left.
a relationship can definately fall apart when someone cant commit.
why did he even bother moving out with me in the first place? is he just using me? |
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| (no subject) |
[Feb. 26th, 2006|12:11 pm] |
i finally am starting to feel better. i still have a cough but besides that i am pretty good.
i couldnt sleep today. so now i am just sitting around.
im very bored.
there is never anything to do.
i guess i will go to the bank.
sounds exciting doesnt it?
anyone else bored???
call me and we can be bored together |
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| (no subject) |
[Feb. 24th, 2006|01:16 am] |
it all started with our heat not working. my neck started to hurt. then i started to feel a little feverish....now im full blown sick. dying.
i went to bed tuesday at 3pm and i didnt get out of bed until tonight at 7pm.
i have a fever.
my entire body hurts.
my lymph nodes are all swollen.
im coughing up green stuff.
my nose is runny.
my eyes burn.
im telling you all...i am going to die. my health insurance doesnt kick in until wed. i hope kevin doesnt catch what i have because this is horrible.
so if i havent answered anyones calls its because i am on my death bed. |
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| (no subject) |
[Feb. 18th, 2006|12:41 am] |
today i used my new ab lounge for the first time. i was on it for about 10-15 minutes just to try it out. after i was done i got really sick and threw up.
nice. it must work if it makes you hurl.
i think i may have just drank to much coffee beforehand.
i have off on monday and tuesday i have to take a CPR class. I work wednesday and thursday....but....i have off fri, sat, and sunday! woohoo! a three day weekend shall be nice.
work has been pretty busy. the other night i had to sit and babysit a detoxer. he was having withdrawls so bad from alchohol that he was having seizures and needed to be restrained. it was horrible.
i will never become an alchoholic. i dont understand why anyone would do that to their body. he said he only drinks a 6 pack a day. he had to be drinking some hard stuff too...i mean he was really bad. we actually thought he may die. crazy.
tonight i am working with jolene and also this weekend. i love having someone to work with, it makes work much easier.
i got my tax returns and i plan on getting my hair done. i havent had it done in over a year. i think im about due. it will feel nice.
the rest of the money i am going to save. i will put all of it into my savings and pretend its not there. |
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| (no subject) |
[Feb. 13th, 2006|11:59 pm] |
im at work right now. it will be valentines day in 1 minute...............................
HAPPY VALENTINES DAY!
kevin and I have no plans for today. i will go home at seven and sleep. he will get home at 730pm and i will wake up. most likely we will sit around while i drink some coffee to wake myself.
i bought him one of those cordless controllers for his XBOX 360....i dont think it was worth as much as it cost, but it was what he wanted.
he bought me an ab lounge. i am going to make a promise to myself that i will use that sucker everyday. i am also going to limit my fast food. i will only be allowed to eat fast food on my day off. i am going to quit smoking cigarettes.
its not that i want to lose weight, i just want to become more healthy. smoking is very unhealthy and causes cancer. exercise increases endorphines, which makes you happy. eating fast food is bad for your heart.
if i can cut out fast food and replace it with fruit and veggies, and cut out smoking and replace that with exercise...i think i will start feeling ten times better. mentally and physically. i will also be working second shift and my healthy sleeping schedule will come back.
working in the hospital has really opened my eyes to how much we as humans abuse our bodies. There are people who come in here who are in their 30's and are dying because of cancer, who are diabetics due to unhealthy eating habits. there are even people in their 20's who have clogged arteries because they dont exercise and eat healthy. i am very well aware of how easy it is to become sick and lose control. it is time for me start living more healthy. it is better to start trying now than to wait and have it be to late.
well i hope everyone has a lovely valentines day. |
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| (no subject) |
[Feb. 10th, 2006|12:53 am] |
this week i have worked quite a bit and i am pretty exhausted. kevin finally got his new xbox 360 so all day and all night he is playing his games. i have to say it is pretty nice, although i cannot play any of the games on it.
ive just been trying to sleep. the people downstairs are constantly playing 50 cent all day, literally. it starts at 8am and is still playing when i leave the house at 1030pm. i have to come to the conclusion that they are psychopaths. only a psycho could listen to 50 cent all day at high volumes.
i am counting the days until i switch to second shift. only 1 month and 9 days.....oh that seems so far. i hope once i make the switch my crazy mood swings go away.
i have off this weekend. i am planning on filing my taxes and thats about it. maybe get some drinks, or rent some movies. something to entertain me and make my weekend off feel worthwhile.
has anyone been to planned parenthood??? i need to know how to schedule an app. and how to get the depo shot. i dont want to pay for an exam because i have already had one this year, twice. if anyone has been there, let me know how the process works.
someone is suppose to be coming into work tonight to help out but he requested to stay home. fuck that my back hurts. he only works like 4hrs a week, he could at least show up the ONE day he is scheduled....ill be damned if they let him stay home. i wish i could be sitting at home right now.
DAMN |
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| (no subject) |
[Feb. 6th, 2006|03:18 am] |
tonight we have 15 patients....
i was the only tech....
meaning, complete and utter chaos! seriously. i feel like i may go insane. thank god i have off tonight. that means everyone is welcome to stop by for i will be a very drunk and very high girl! wooohooo!
i hope that i will be able to hang out with some of my friends, i miss them, and i have been feeling like a loner lately.
i had a dream last night that me, my mom, and megan were on an airplane going to amsterdam. the plane kept swerving through buildings and i kept wondering why the plane was flying so low. once we got there it looked just like Wisconsin. We went and stayed with my dad and his friends (for some reason they lived there). Thats all i remember but that was a strange dream.
mitch just came into work so i guess i better get off the internet and pretend to work. |
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| (no subject) |
[Feb. 4th, 2006|02:53 am] |
ive been looking at vacation packages all night while im at work. i found some really good deals on airfare and hotel suites for jamaica. its expensive $2,000.00 for two people but that includes all meals, alchohol, and transportation. it also includes your suite with a jacuzzi and balcony....
it looks beautiful. i would love to go some day.
oh,
it also includes a complimentary wedding. haha |
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| (no subject) |
[Feb. 3rd, 2006|05:27 pm] |
i had off last night and didnt do anything, which is fine. i wanted to have some people over but kevin was too tired...sooo...i watched some tv and eventually fell asleep.
tonight i have to work another third shift. my second shift position wont start until march 19...but thats better than not at all.
one of my co-workers lives down the street from me so i think i am going to go over there and have some coffee. later kevin and i will go get some dinner.
hopefully work goes well tonight.
maybe if i am lucky they will call me and ask me if i would like to take a VRH (voluntary reduction of hours) i noticed that jolene and i both are working tonight, and if there are not many patients they will call one of us to stay home, hopefully being me. she is only part time though so i doubt they would call me off and not her.
im bored. |
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